At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
