i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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