WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
