Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
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