i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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