I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
