Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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