I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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