I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
