It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
