I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
