Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
