god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
