Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
