I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
You brought string cheese to the strip club
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
