Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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