My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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