They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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