My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
