She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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