At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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