You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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