hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
i out mim tonsoeep
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