Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
