I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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