I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
