Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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