The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
did i just pee glitter
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
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