I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
