I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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