i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
