Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
