i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
