dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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