Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Plan B is the new Plan A
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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