Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
