Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
