I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
