His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
