I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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