i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
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