Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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