I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
