the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
