I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
