Small penises have feelings too.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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