Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
