Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
She announced her abortion via fbk
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
