You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
