Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
