if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Ketchup is God's man juice
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
