Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
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