I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
