I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
