if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
