Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
