She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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