My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
